Dancing Queen
by Carbuncle
Summary: After Barrett twists his ankle, he is unable to take Marlene to a local talent show. Aeris then offers to take her instead. Once there, Aeris's talent for dancing gets her a job at the local strip club, and, as usual, much hilarity ensures.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
Dancing Queen  
  
(Open to 7th Heaven, the bar. Tifa is cleaning a glass behind the bar. Barrett walks in from upstairs. Marlene comes down the stairs, wearing a pretty white dress and holding a rose.)  
Barrett: Well, we're all set, Tifa. How does she look?  
Tifa: (looks over towards Marlene and smiles) Oh, Marlene! You look beautiful, honey!  
Marlene: Thank you, Aunt Tifa! Daddy says I'm probably gonna win first prize at the talent show for sure!  
Tifa: I'm almost certain you will, honey! That dress really brings out the colour in your eyes!  
Marlene: Thank you!  
Barrett: Well, we'd better get goin', baby. We don't wanna be late. You know what those judges can be like. They deduct points for breathing.  
Tifa: Good luck in the talent show, Marlene. Not that you'll need it, of course.  
Marlene: I've been practising my dance steps all week, Aunt Tifa!  
Tifa: I know. You've got such determination. If you don't win this talent show, Marlene, then there is just no justice in the world.  
Barrett: C'mon, Marlene. (he and Marlene leave) Aaagh!!!!  
Tifa: Oh, good lord! Barrett?!  
  
(Cut to the front porch. Barrett is sitting at the foot of the steps, rubbing his ankle. Marlene is standing at the top of the steps, looking down at her father, concerned. Tifa bursts through the doors.)  
Tifa: Barrett?! What happened?!  
Marlene: Daddy slipped on the steps and fell all the way to the bottom!  
Tifa: Are you all right?!  
Barrett: Agh, I'm fine. It was just a little bump; nothin' I can't handle. C'mon, Marlene, let's go. (tries to get up) Aaagh!!!! Sweet Mother of Pearl...!  
Tifa: (walks down the steps and checks Barrett's ankle) Hmm... I'm no doctor, but I'd say it's twisted...  
Barrett: Twisted? No, man, it's fine! Look! (tries to get up) Aaagh!! #@$% me!  
Marlene: Ooh...  
Tifa: Barrett, please, no matter how badly you're hurt, there's no excuse for swearing in front of children!  
Barrett: I'm sorry, it's jus'... my ankle, man. Now how the heck am I gonna get Marlene to the talent show?  
Marlene: It's all right, Papa. We... We don't have to go. Your health is more important to me.  
Barrett: Aw... such a carin' little girl I've raised. But no, I won't hear of it. You've been lookin' forward to this damn talent show for months! I won't have you missin' out because of me!  
Tifa: Well, there's no way you're going anywhere on that ankle of yours. You'll have to rest up.  
Barrett: Let's try one more time. M'ybe I'm okay now. (tries to get up) Aaagh!!!! Holy...! I ain't goin' anywhere... I'm so sorry, Marlene...  
Marlene: It's okee, Daddy. I understand. (walks back into the bar, upset)  
Aeris: (arrives with her basket of flowers) Hello, you two! What's going on out here?  
Tifa: Barrett's twisted his ankle...  
Aeris: Twisted his ankle? Goodness! Are you okay, Barrett?!  
Barrett: I'm fine. It's my daughter who's the victim in all of this. Poor little sweetheart.  
Aeris: I don't understand...  
Tifa: Barrett was supposed to take Marlene to a talent show today. But now since he's been put out of action, Marlene can't go.  
Aeris: Oh...  
Barrett: Yeah, and it's all my damn fault. Why'd I have to fall?!  
Tifa: You know, Barrett, I'd take her myself, but what with the bar and all...  
Barrett: Yeah, I know.  
Aeris: ...  
Tifa: ...  
Aeris: ...well, you know, Barrett, I'm, uh, I'm not doing anything this afternoon, if...  
Barrett: Oh, Aeris! Could you take her?! I know it's a lot to ask, since she ain't even your kid or anythin', and I know sometimes she can be a handful, but-  
Aeris: Barrett, Barrett, of course I'll take her. It'd be my pleasure.  
Barrett: Aw, thanks, man! I'd get up an' kiss ya if it wasn't for the fact that-  
Aeris: You've hurt your ankle, I know.  
Barrett: Nah, I was gonna say if it wasn't for the fact that you're so damn ugly, but, yeah, your reason was probably the better thing to say.  
Aeris: I...  
Barrett: I'm jokin'! You're awright!  
  
(Cut to the Shin-Ra HQ, the 56th floor. Lots of children Marlene's age are gathered there. A panel of judges (Dio, Zangen, Godo and Jenova) are sitting at the front of the hall, near the stage. Aeris and Marlene walk in.)  
Aeris: Wow! A lot of people turned up!  
Marlene: Don't worry, Aunt Aeris. They don't intimidate me one bit. I'm confident that I'm going to kick butt today.  
Aeris: You certainly are confident, Marlene. Though, I'm not so sure. What makes you think you can best these other children?  
Marlene: ...I can do this. (tap dances, quite badly, to be honest)  
Aeris: I see... (to herself) We could be in trouble here...  
  
(Cut to the 56th floor, a little later. Choco Billy is standing on the stage with a chocobo. Mayor Domino walks onstage from the right.)  
Domino: Choco Billy and his chocobo, everyone... (Choco Billy leads the chocobo offstage to the left, as some members of the audience, including Aeris, clap) All right, next tonight, Marlene Wallace and her dancing thing. (he leaves to the right as Marlene walks onstage from the left)  
Marlene: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, mistro! (some music starts up and she begins tap dancing around the stage, badly)  
Aeris: (covers her face in embarrassment) Oh, Marlene... (the audience begin to laugh)  
Dio: Oh, she is awful...  
Godo: You've got that right!  
Zangen: Give her a break, you guys! Don't be so quick to judge! Maybe this is some kind of comedy routine or something...  
Dio: Excuse me, but are you deaf or just plain stupid? The girl put herself down for PROFESSIONAL tap dancing!  
Jenova: Oh, I have seen quite enough! (Marlene finishes her performance, and the judges hold up her scores: Dio - 2, Zangen - 7, Godo - 3, Jenova - 3)  
Marlene: Urk...  
Domino: (walks onstage) Marlene Wallace, everyone... (the audience remain motionless, though Aeris begins to clap wildly)  
Aeris: Woo! Yay! Go, Marlene! Yeah! Woo...  
  
(Cut to the reception area. Aeris and Marlene walk out of the elevator and walk towards the main doors.)  
Marlene: I made a complete fool of myself today, Aunt Aeris. I'll never live this down. I'm a failure.  
Aeris: No, Marlene, don't beat yourself up over this. You did your best.  
Marlene: My best stunk!  
Aeris: You just need to work on your moves a little, that's all. It's nothing serious.  
Marlene: But I practised all week, Aunt Aeris! I practised and practised, and this was the best I could do!! I'll never be able to better myself!  
Aeris: Sure you will! Just wiggle your feet! Here, like this! (begins to tap dance, extremely well)  
Marlene: Ooh, I see!  
Aeris: (still dancing) Now you try!  
Marlene: Okee! (dances beside Aeris, better than before) Hey, I'm really doing it!  
Aeris: Don't talk, Marlene! You'll throw yourself off! (she and Marlene continue to dance to some wussy music and then eventually both stop)  
????: That was fabulous!  
Marlene: Huh?  
Man: (walks towards Marlene and Aeris, clapping) Well done! I've never seen such graceful moves!  
Marlene: (curtsy) Why, thank you, sir!  
Man: I didn't mean you, you snotty-nosed brat! You were terrible! I was talking to (focus on Aeris) YOU!  
Aeris: (gasps) Me?!  
Man: No! Not you, you two-bit hussy! You there! (Yuna (from FFX) is doing her sending thing beside Aeris)  
Yuna: Huh?  
Man: How would you like to be the star of a new epic video game about a young summoner's quest to defeat an evil entity called Sin?!  
Yuna: Um... okay, I guess.  
Man: Great, baby! We start filming tomorrow!  
Aeris: Don't listen to him, Marlene. You were brilliant. And besides, the opinion of a nobody doesn't matter.  
????: That was fabulous!  
Marlene: Huh?  
Man #2: (walks towards Marlene and Aeris, clapping) Well done! I've never seen such graceful moves!  
Marlene: (curtsy) Why, thank you, sir!  
Man #2: I didn't mean you! I was talking to (focus on Aeris) YOU!  
Aeris: (gasps) Me?!  
Man #2: Yes! You! How would you like to use your dancing skills to their full potential and do something amazing with your life?!  
Aeris: I don't follow you, sir.  
Man #2: (hands Aeris a card) My name's Yugi Kwanza. I'm in the entertainment business and you're exactly the kind of girl I'm looking for!  
Aeris: Rea... Really?!  
Kwanza: Yes! Really! You've got talent, missy! And a talent such as yours should not go unnoticed!  
Aeris: Gosh, thank you so much, I... I didn't really think I was THAT good, but-  
Kwanza: You were better than THAT good, baby! You've done this before, haven't you?!  
Aeris: ...once. But, I'd rather not go into that with the kid around.  
Marlene: ...kid?  
Kwanza: (checks his watch) Shoot! I'm late for an important meeting. I've gotta go. But hey, you think about my offer and don't forget to call me, if you decide you'd like to take your career onto the next level. Nice meeting you.  
Aeris: You too. (Mr. Kwanza leaves) Wow! He liked me! He thought I had talent! Wow!  
Marlene: Whatever happened to not caring about the opinion of a nobody?  
Aeris: A nobody's opinion is just as - if not more - valid than that of a somebody, Marlene. Always remember that.  
Marlene: Ugh...  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven, the bar, the next day. Tifa and Aeris are talking.)  
Tifa: ...so he offered you a job - just like that?!  
Aeris: Practically. He said if I was interested, then all I had to do was call him on (holds up Kwanza's card) this number.  
Tifa: Then what are you waiting for, Aeris?! Call him!  
Aeris: I don't know. I mean, I like dancing and all, but professionally? That sounds heavy.  
Tifa: Aeris, how many times have you sat there in front of the television, watching those beautiful ballet-slash-tap dancers, prancing around the dancefloor like they owned the place, and thought, "I so wish that was me"? It's every girl's dream to be in your situation! Don't pass this opportunity up, Aeris! Grab it with both hands!  
Aeris: I... (looks at the card) ...Tifa, the phone, please!  
  
(Cut to Marlene's bedroom. Marlene is laying on the bed, depressed. Barrett walks in, on crutches and with a bandage around his foot.)  
Barrett: Hey, baby. How're you feelin' today?  
Marlene: Rotten!  
Barrett: Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I know you were expectin' to win the talent show, but don't give up, sweetie. If you keep practisin', then the sky's the limit. You'll make it one day, just like Aunt Aeris.  
Marlene: Aunt Aeris...?  
Barrett: I mean, look at Aunt Aeris. Yesterday she was a nobody, jus' like you and me. Yet, by the end of today, she could end up bein' a major somebody, if this job interview she's got goes to plan, and there ain't no reason why it shouldn't, unless of course, somebody does somethin' to botch it up, but that ain't gonna happen. Hey, think about it, Marlene. When Aeris makes it big, we can all spend the rest of our lives moochin' off of her, since she's bound to be rakin' in a hell of a lot of dough in the future. Man, life is lookin' seriously sweet right about now... (leaves)  
Marlene: Aunt Aeris...? (spits) She's to blame for all my misfortune! If it wasn't for her, stealing my thunder, then I'D be the one with the cushy job interview for dream career! She must pay! Aunt Aeris... Must Die!! (cackles insanely) Ow, my throat!  
  
(Cut to the Sector 4 Slums, the Sleazy Strip Joint. Aeris approaches the front door. The bouncer blocks her way.)  
Aeris: Uh, hi. Am I... Am I in the right place, I... I was told to come her to meet with a Mr. Yugi Kwanza. This... This is the right address, right?  
Kwanza: (walks out) Aeris, baby! How's it going, sugar pie?! (hugs her) I'm glad you could come! Please, come on in!  
Aeris: ...okay.  
  
(Cut to the Sleazy Strip Joint, the corridor. Kwanza leads Aeris through a hall. Through a large doorway, in the background, a girl is dancing in her bra and panties around a pole, in front of a group of Japanese business men.)  
Kwanza: I was getting worried there for a second, gorgeous. I didn't think you were gonna turn up. But hey, ya didn't disappoint me, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.  
Aeris: No problem... uh, Mr. Kwanza?  
Kwanza: Call me Yugi.  
Sexy Girl: (walks past in nothing but a thong) Hi there, Yugi!  
Kwanza: Hey there, Trisha. Lookin' good, as per usual.  
Sexy Girl: Oh, Yugi!  
Kwanza: Did you get your breasts done again?  
Sexy Girl: (giggles like a schoolgirl) Yes!  
Kwanza: Thought so. (he and Aeris continue down the hall)  
  
(Cut to Kwanza's office. Aeris and Kwanza walk in. Kwanza shuts the door behind him.)  
Kwanza: Please, take a seat. (Aeris sits down as he does the same) Now then, I've already seen you do some moves, and they were pretty hot, though they were a little... choir girlish. Y'know, innocent like. But I'm sure once we work on you, we can turn you into the girl every guy wants to see, dancing before his lap. We just need to go sexy. Can you do sexy?  
Aeris: Mr. Kwanza, I'm afraid I may have been misled here. I was under the impression that I'd be dancing, you know, professionally.  
Kwanza: You haven't been misled, Ms. Gainsborough. You would be dancing professionally.  
Aeris: No. I meant like ballet dancing or... or tap dancing. I thought that I would be doing that kind of dancing... not THIS kind.  
Kwanza: (getting angry) What do you mean by... THIS kind?  
Aeris: ...well, you know, sleazy dancing. Table top dancing. Stri... Stripping.  
Kwanza: ...Ms. Gainsborough, I'm confused here.  
Aeris: Well, let me say it in a language that you will understand, Mr. Kwanza. I don't want to be a... stripper. I wanted to dance professionally, in the field of ballet or tap. I don't want to be dancing on top of a table, having some guy stuff gil down my G-string.  
Kwanza: I see.  
Aeris: I'm sorry if I've insulted you, but I think it's important that we set these things straight right at the start. I'm not lowering myself to this line of work, Mr. Kwanza. It's just not my style. But I've a very attractive friend who might-  
Kwanza: Ms. Gainsborough, I appreciate all that you've said, and I do understand, but please would you reconsider. You're a hot little madam, and I could see a real profitable future for you here at the Sleazy Strip Joint.  
Aeris: Please, Mr. Kwanza, my mind is made up.  
Kwanza: As you wish. But, could you do me a favour before you leave?  
Aeris: Well, I guess I owe you that much, at least. Sure.  
Kwanza: I'd like you to have a chat with one of the girls who works here.  
Aeris: Mr. Kwanza, I've already said that I don't want to work here.  
Kwanza: I know, but all I'm asking is that you listen to what she has to say. Please?  
Aeris: (sighs) All right.  
  
(Cut to Kwanza's office, a little later. Aeris is sitting at Kwanza's desk, talking to a girl.)  
Girl: ...and on one night we sometimes make as much as 3000 gil. That's 3000 gil. Enough to afford an entire new wardrobe.  
Aeris: I hear what you're saying, Sandy, but I just don't think I'd feel comfortable working here. I mean, all those guys, eyeing up my semi-naked body. I'm a church girl, for goodness sake!  
Sandy: Look, Aeris, it's not as bad as you might think. There's no danger in working here at all. It's a look but don't touch policy. Anyone found making any trouble is thrown out instantly, and their membership revoked. It's totally safe, girl.  
Aeris: ...totally safe?  
Sandy: Uh-huh!  
Aeris: And... And I'd get up to 3000 gil a night?  
Sandy: On a good night, yeah.  
Aeris: I'm still not sure.  
Sandy: Jeez! Just come and work for the freakin' club, all right?!  
Aeris: All right! I will!  
  
(Cut to the club. Loud music is playing. Aeris, in a bra and G-string, is rubbing herself up and down a steel pole. Kotch is stuffing gil into her G-string.)  
Aeris: (to herself) What've I done...??  
Don Corneo: (jumping up and down beside Kotch) Oh, yeah, baby!! Take it off!! Take it all off! Woo hoo!  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven, the basement. Tifa and Barrett are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Aeris walks in, tired.)  
Tifa: Hey, Aeris! We've been watching the ballet all night, and we haven't even seen you once yet! Are you sure you're a professional ballet dancer??  
Aeris: Sure. I'm on there somewhere. Keep watching. You're bound to see me eventually.  
Barrett: Hey, Aeris, how comes your dress is half unbuttoned? You been gettin' up to somethin' ya shouldn't be?  
Aeris: No!  
Barrett: Chill, man! I was just messin' with ya!  
Aeris: I'm going to bed. I'll see you both in the morning. (leaves)  
TV: ...and a wonderful stop-turn-pivot-pause by Martha Brackleworth there. Just marvellous.  
  
(Cut to the Sleazy Strip Joint, the club, the following evening. Cid and Vincent walk in.)  
Vincent: I still do not see why it was necessary for us to visit this ghastly place. It is nothing but a place of perversion and filth, and I am sincerely concerned for our safety. After all, the lords will surely see fit to punish us for ever setting foot in such an abode.  
Cid: I didn't wanna bring a Fussy Freddy like you here to begin with, but I'm worried about the kind of reputation us two are gettin'. People are starting to think we're... you know, queer, man.  
Vincent: Queer...? I see nothing queer about either of us. We are simply two human beings, who have a close yet formal relationship, and enjoy the company of each other.  
Cid: Exactly. Queer. 'Sides, I need some goddamn poontang anyway. I'll get us a drink. I'm having a beer. What's your poison?  
Vincent: I shall have a white wine.  
Cid: (quietly to himself) He's here, he's queer, and for some unknown reason he won't drink beer! (walks off towards the bar as Vincent takes a seat at an empty table)  
Vincent: Egh... What a disgusting place... (looks around the club) Alcohol... Drugs... Topless Aeris... Wait a minute! Topless Aeris?!  
Aeris: (covers her chest) Oh, darn it! If I'd had known my friends would be here, then I'd have never had walked over here!  
Cid: (walks over to the table with some drinks) Oh my God! Aeris?! (eyes her up) Aeris!  
Aeris: Stop it, Cid!  
Cid: Sorry, it's just... I've never seen you like this before and it's kinda horny...  
Aeris: Yeah, well, just look at my eyes, okay? My eyes!  
Vincent: Aeris, my dear. What on earth are you doing in a place like this?  
Aeris: Well, you might as well know, I'm working here.  
Cid: Workin' here?  
Aeris: Yes. But please, don't spread it around. Barrett and Tifa think I'm a professional ballet dancer for the Prissy Girls School of Dancing. They've been watching the ballet channel every night for the past three days, hoping to see my triumphant big television debut!  
Cid: Oh, Aeris... how could ya lie to 'em like that?  
Aeris: I know, I'm a bad girl, but it's for their own good. If they think I'm a professional ballet dancer, then that's going to tear them away from the fact that I'm actually a part-time table top dancer, working four nights a week, from ten 'til twelve.  
Cid: Yes. Yes, it will. And don't worry, Aeris. Me and Vincent won't mention a word about this. In fact, we were never even here. Right, Vincent? (Vincent has disappeared)  
  
(Cut to 7th Heaven, the bar.)  
Vincent: Aeris is working in a strip club. Now, I did not want to tell you, and I am sorry you had to hear this from I and not her, but I think it is only right that you should know about the tragic life Aeris is now living. Please do not tell her I told you.  
Tifa: Oh my God! That's terrible!  
Barrett: Bitch! She lied to us! She told us she was a ballet dancer! She made us sit in front of that damn TV and watch damn ballet for eight damn hours a night! I don't believe it!!  
Vincent: Well, I hope I did not get young Aeris into too much trouble. Good day. (leaves)  
Aeris: (runs in) Tifa! Barrett! I-  
Tifa: We know, Aeris.  
Barrett: Yeah, we know.  
Tifa: How could you lie to us? I... I don't know what I find most hurtful. The fact that you're working at some sleazy strip club-  
Aeris: That's Sleazy Strip Joint...  
Tifa: -or the fact that you lied straight face to us.  
Aeris: I'm sorry, guys. I really am.  
Barrett: It's a bit too late for apologies now, sister.  
Aeris: I just thought that if I hadn't had become a REAL proper professional dancer, then you guys would be disappointed in me... I made such a big deal about my great new up-and-coming career and-  
Tifa: Aeris, we love you, and... and we wouldn't have given a damn if you'd hadn't had gotten the job as a REAL dancer. We could never be disappointed in you. You're our friend, and we care deeply about you. And now we find out that you've been working in a strip club... ugh. The money might've been good, Aeris, but I think your dignity is worth far more.  
Aeris: You're right, Tifa. God, I've been such a fool.  
Barrett: Damn straight you have! What're you gonna do about it?  
Aeris: For a start, I'm quitting my job as a stripper.  
Tifa: Phew...  
Aeris: And then, I'm gonna donate all the money I made to charity.  
Barrett: Let's not be too hasty now, Aeris... You earned that money, fair and square, after all.  
Aeris: Thanks, you guys. You're the best friends a girl could hope to have.  
Marlene: (drops from the ceiling) Die, hussy!!!! (shoots Aeris with a laser gun)  
Tifa: Oh my God! She killed Aeris!  
Marlene: (ala Stewie) Victory is mine!  
Barrett: Marlene!! What the hell didja do that for?!  
Marlene: 'Cause she ruined my chances of being a professional dancer! And aunt or no, she had to pay for it!  
Tifa: But Aeris did no such thing. In fact, she didn't even make it as a professional dancer. For the last couple of days she'd been working at a strip club.  
Marlene: Oh... then, I guess all I have to say to that is... HA HA HA HA HAAA!!  
Barrett: Nobody likes a gloat, Marlene.  
Marlene: Sorry, Papa.  
Barrett: And you're gettin' grounded for killin' Aeris, too.  
Marlene: Oh, poo!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END__________  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
